


The way to a man's heart

by Jyoti96



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Banter, Carry On Exchange (Simon Snow), Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Gift Fic, M/M, Meet-Cute, POV First Person, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow is Gay for Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyoti96/pseuds/Jyoti96
Summary: Penny surprises Simon for his birthday - a dinner at Pitch cuisine. He's wanted to go there for so long, simply because of the exquisite food and not because Simon is obsessed with the head chef, Baz Pitch.When Agatha spots Simon at the restaurant, he desperately wishes for a fake boyfriend to show off to his ex.a head chef might just do the trick.Longing looks, banter and kisses.
Relationships: Fiona Pitch & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Simon Snow/Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 16
Kudos: 108
Collections: Carry On Fall Exchange 2020





	The way to a man's heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imhellakitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imhellakitty/gifts).



> For the lovely [imhellakitty (on Tumblr)](https://imhellakitty.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Heather you are an amazing person and I was overjoyed to make this gift for you. I've never written a fic and this was so exciting and new for me. I hope I did Baz and Simon justice. 
> 
> The way to a man's heart is an AU fic where Baz is a head chef and Simon desperately wants to taste his food. This fic is inspired by my own love for cooking. I included some tropes I love, and I hope you will to. You also prompted for first kisses or meet cute au's. I gave my own spin on a meet cute au and I hope you enjoy there first kiss. 
> 
> Dear reader I hope you enjoy reading my first fic for the Carry On/Wayward Son fandom. Thank you for reading! And you can find me here [ jyoti96](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jyoti96/)
> 
> I want to thank [Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire) for supporting me and being my beta. You are an amazing person and very helpful. Thank you for your love and support while writing my first fic.

****

**Baz** ****

I wake up by someone who wants a little attention. I grudgingly open my eyes and see Mordi sitting on my stomach with her tail upright, moving back and forth slightly. She is looking at me expectantly as if to tell me ´take your time it’s only my breakfast time’. I sigh... “Mordi, why are you the poshest cat I have ever encountered?” I ask her and she blinks at me in response. 

Crowley, who am I kidding, my heart melted when I got her from Mordelia for my birthday. My sister said that the cat reminded her of me and she is completely right. Mordi was licking her paws and I swear she gave me one of my signature eyebrow raises. She bloody well knows that she owns me and not the other way around. 

Since I´ve got Mordi in my life I´m less lonely. So naturally, she can do no wrong now.

I stretch my limbs and remove the blankets to give ´Your Highness´ her food. Mordi jumps elegantly out of bed and follows me like the queen that she is. I fill her tray with food and turn towards the bathroom to take a shower. My mind wanders to tonight’s shift. 

Today will be another hectic day at the restaurant. I turn the shower on and step under the hot stream. I sigh softly and enjoy the scorching hot water on my head. I wash my hair and think about the menu. I'm excited about the French dishes on the menu. Each season Fiona and I come up with a new menu based on a different country. 

I get out of the shower and dry myself clean. I put some hair product in my hair to create a full and wavy look. Then I put on a dark green suit and take my chef’s clothing with me to change at the restaurant. 

I get in my grey Porsche Carrera and drive to my aunt’s and mine restaurant: Pitch cuisine. When I arrive I see that my aunt Fiona is already here. She has a cigarette in her hand and has a stack of papers in front of her. 

She looks up and says, “Hey boyo, what are you doing here so early?” 

Fiona stands and walks over and gives me one of her squeezing hugs. I can’t tell her I was feeling overwhelmed at home. It’s just so empty and I can’t stand this feeling of loneliness. 

How long do I have to wait until I find someone who can make me happy? 

My aunt has set me up with so many blind dates. She even comes out of her office to check on the customers to make sure they are having a good time and enjoying the food. I would have approved of that if it weren’t for the fact that Fiona somehow always manages to figure out if the guy she thinks would be perfect for me is single. 

Crowley, I think and say, “I just want to prep early for tonight, it’s going to be very busy and I just want to cook.” 

Cooking has always been my safe space. I don’t think about how lonely I truly am or anything else. When I cook I’m focused. Fine dining is an art and I love creating art with food and telling a story with ingredients that match each other. I hope someday to find my matching partner. 

Fiona nods and looks at me, “are you okay? You look tired?” 

“I’m fine, do you want me to make you something?” 

My aunt smiles and says “your signature omelette please.” I chuckle and go get changed into my chef’s clothing. 

**Simon**

Penny barges into my room and I jerk up awake. My curls are stuck to one side of my face and I yell “ _Penny_?!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? _Knock_?!” 

Penny rolls her eyes and yells “ _Happy birthday Simon_!” 

“Merlin,” I let myself fall back in bed. 

“Come on”, Penny insists, “I’ve got a great day planned for you.” 

I groan loudly. “Penny, I already told you I don’t want to do anything. I just want to stay at home and watch Star Wars movies with you.” 

Penny looks at me with a soft smile. 

“Simon you know I love you and I only want you to be happy,” she says and continues. “So my plan is to get your arse into the shower and get you dressed. Then we are going to have some breakfast. After breakfast I am going to take you shopping.” 

“ _Shopping_?! What for?” “I am going to get you a nice suit to wear for tonight,” she adds as an afterthought and makes me fairly suspicious 

“Tonight? What are we doing tonight? Penny, what did you do?” 

“Simon don’t you worry, you love food right? So that’s the only thing you need to know. It’s a surprise. Now go get a shower.” Penny leaves and I sigh. 

Guess I’ll have to go along with her plan for today. I try to get out of bed, but my leg is stuck in the duvet and I fall out of bed face first instead. 

“For fucks sake!” I try to untangle myself and get up, but I bump my head on my nightstand. “Well this day is starting well”, I mumble to myself. 

I take a quick shower and dress in the first clean jeans and a shirt I can find. I walk out of my room to find Penny in the kitchen. She made me blueberry pancakes. 

She pours me a glass of milk and orders me like she always does, “eat up, Simon, and let’s go.” 

“Jeez Penny, where is the fire?” 

“We are on a tight schedule, so hurry up.” 

When I’m finished eating Penny practically grabs my arms and drags me out the door.

**Baz**

When I look at the time I get a rush of adrenaline. When it's time for service I always get a little excited. This is the moment when people are actually going to taste my creations. 

Fiona always knew I was passionate about food. Every weekend when I was little she took me to a different restaurant. 

Those were one of my best memories. When we got back from the restaurant I tried the whole week to recreate the exact dishes. I failed every time, and one time I even set the kitchen on fire. 

When I saw a chef flambé in the restaurant, I knew I had to try that. All the commotion made Fiona come rushing into the kitchen. 

She yelled, “ _You bloody numpty_ ! _What are you trying to do_?! _Destroy my kitchen_!” 

I just looked at her and waved at the flames trying to look confident, “I wanted to try something new, something called flambé?” 

Thank Merlin she wasn't that angry. She made me promise to lay out every cooking plan I had, before she gave me the green light. 

That's how we ended up having our own restaurant. The heat, stress and adrenaline sometimes make me think of that moment. The loud chatter of people coming in makes me look up. The restaurant is fully booked and the orders are starting to come in. 

**Simon**

Shopping with Penny was the worst. We went to different stores to find a suit, but every suit I tried on got the thumbs down. 

I groaned loudly, “Penny, this one is good right?” 

“No, that one is average. We need a suit that makes an entrance.” 

“But, why?”, I whined. 

“Because you never know if you´ll meet the love of your life tonight. You need to move on, now that you and Agatha aren’t together. So we need to be prepared Si.” 

After going to several stores, we found a dark grey suit that Penny finally approved. If we had to go to one more store, I would explode. 

Penny and I arrive at the restaurant. “Pitch cuisine”, I say startled. 

Turning to Penny I ask her, “Great snakes, how did you manage to get a reservation here?” 

Penny just smiles mischievously, “I can't reveal my secrets Si, you know that.” 

“I heard the head chef is some young posh bloke.” 

“Seriously Simon, this again?” 

“I know about the head chef, you´ve been talking about him constantly.” 

She grabs my arm and walks to the entrance. Penny is exaggerating. I did not talk that much about him. 

My mind wanders to the articles I read about Pitch cuisine. My mouth was salivating on the spot thinking about all the dishes. Reading about the owner and their fit looking head chef, ended up with me talking about Pitch cuisine non-stop. Penny made me promise to stop talking about it. 

We stop at the entrance and Penny turns to look at me, “Simon, it's your birthday and I want you to be happy and enjoy today. You can finally taste the food you've been dying to try and see that man of yours.” 

“ _What_?! Penny, he is not my man”, I exclaim, blushing terribly. She just raises an eyebrow and drags me inside. 

When we enter the restaurant, I´m speechless. The hostess asks our name, but I’m too flabbergasted to listen to her. 

The interior is so posh. Even though I usually don’t go to fancy places, I’m happy Penny made me wear this suit. 

Penny does the talking and I follow the hostess to our spot. Everything looks so warm and welcoming. The place is dimly lit to create an intimate atmosphere. 

When we walk further into the restaurant, I see that it has an open concept. The kitchen is fully visible for customers and there are seats practically in front of the kitchen space. 

The hostess stops and I can't hide my excitement. 

“ _Penny, we have the best seats_!” 

“Yes, Simon”, she squeezes my arm, “I requested to sit here.”

After taking a seat, my eyes are immediately glued to the chefs in the kitchen, searching. Then I see him...Basilton Pitch. A warm unfamiliar feeling is starting in the pit of my stomach while a blush is creeping up my face. 

What is this weird feeling? I don't even know him, let alone talked to the bloke. 

In the meantime a waiter comes to our table and hands us the menu. My eyes start to roam the dishes on the menu and I squeeze my eyes to decipher what even the first one is. The waiter is looking at us expectantly. 

“Would you like a moment? It is also possible to order the chef's choice. Our head chef, Baz Pitch, created his own menu based on the French cuisine.”

“We'd like a moment”, I blurt out before Penny could respond. 

“Penny, I don't even know what these dishes are?” 

“I thought you loved food?”, she argues. 

“I do, but, you know, _British_ food?” 

She starts to laugh. _“Penny!_ ” I hiss softly. 

When I look around to check if anyone heard our ridiculous conversation, I see a pair of dark grey eyes look in my direction. 

My breath hitches. I mean I saw several photos of him. And it isn´t like I have all the magazines he´s in, right? 

Looking directly at Baz Pitch is an entirely different experience than watching him on a picture while I’m in bed. I mean reading the interviews about him. 

I jerk my head away and say to Penny, “Let's try the chef's choice”, while I turn to look at Baz. His eyes are still locked on mine. 

**Baz**

“ _Service_!” I yell. 

The dishes I plated are being picked up by waiters and I immediately get on with the orders for the next table. 

My work is being disrupted by a loud laugh of a woman. I look up to see a young man and a young woman a few meters away from me. 

My eyes are being drawn to the young men. He's got a dark grey suit on, that suits his gorgeous blue eyes and his bronze curly hair. I imagine sinking my hands in them. I wonder what sounds he would make if I yanked a little on his curls. 

_Pitch_ , get it together. This is not the time to daydream. 

He´s probably not even gay and I bet that young woman is his girlfriend. 

Despite that I find myself looking in his direction, and his eyes suddenly lock onto mine. 

_Blue eyes and bronze curls_ is looking at me with wide surprised eyes. 

My heart skips a beat and I shift my gaze to the dish I’m plating. A moment later I look up again to check if he's still looking at me, and he is. I raise a single eyebrow at him and I watch a blush start spreading on his face and disappearing under his clothes. Pity, I wonder where it stops, if his whole chest is flushed right now. 

I hear him order the chef's choice and smirk. Let me give him a taste of my magic. 

That gorgeous git has a table right in front of me, so I can look at him if I want, as long as I won’t ruin my plating. 

My eyes keep darting towards the table numbers on the orders I get, wondering when his table is up. Still nothing, I figured. The place is jam-packed with people from all over the world. I guess I have to wait a little longer. 

**Simon**

"The chef’s choice", I mumble. My eyes roam the menu to try and understand what kind of dishes are selected for that menu. Then I finally managed to locate it. 

My mind keeps getting back to the moment I locked eyes with those grey eyes. A menu tells a lot about the person behind those dishes. Let’s see what the starter is. 

I squint my eyes to decipher how to pronounce the starter, “Ni-koice salad”, I say warily towards Penny. Before Penny could answer I hear a snort behind me. My face starts to heat up, when I notice who it is: Baz Pitch. _Fuck_. 

He was just summoned by the couple next to us, not that I was paying attention. 

"Is this your first time eating at a fine dining restaurant?" Baz asks me with an arrogant tone. 

"What do you mean?" I say, anger filling my tone. 

"I can tell,” he retorts, raising a single eyebrow. "It’s pronounced “nee-swazz”, you berk." 

" _What?!_ That’s.. that’s..well… _you are just being a wanker_! What are you, French?" 

"No," Baz responds too calmy. 

" _No_ , I thought so. Who would even choose a dish that’s unpronounceable,” I argue back at him. 

Who the hell does he think he is. The tosser. A fucking _posh_ tosser, that’s what he is. Acting all high and mighty. 

Baz just smirks at me and crosses his arms. "So you do know who I am," he says slowly grinning at me. 

"Well..uhh..aren’t you the head chef, Baz Pitch?" I say dumbly. 

"Yes, I am. So don’t you forget that.” Baz is clearly waiting for me to say something, but my mind is just blank. He scoffs and adds, "What is your name?" 

"Oh, it's Simon. Simon Snow." 

"Of course it is," he mutters. I have no idea what he means by that.

Baz grabs the menu back from the table and hands it to me. 

"Well do go on, you French expert. What are you having for main course?" he asks.

I look blankly at the words for main course. "You’re an arse." 

Baz just laughs. My eyes widen. His whole face just lit up and I want to hear his laugh again. "Come now, don’t be like that. Let’s hear it."

"What do you say?" he says turning towards Penny. "Don’t you want to hear your boyfriend talk like a French man?" 

Penny laughs, and says, "Well first. Hi, I’m Penny and I’m Simon's _best friend_ . You know, Simon is _single,_ " and she bloody winks at Baz. "I do like a French accent." 

Baz grins and says, “I like you already, Penny.”

I just roll my eyes. "Fine," I’ll never get to hear the end of my attempts to talk French against a bloody posh bloke. 

I grit my teeth and slightly lift up my chin, “boell-a-baiz”. 

Baz burst out in a loud laughter. "It’s ‘bu-ja-beis’, you wanker." 

I want to strangle him, with his posh accent. 

"Well fuck off, don’t you have some orders to prepare you fucking tosser." 

Baz just grins at me. "I spend a year in France, so don’t tell me how to pronounce my dishes, Snow.” 

“It’s Simon.” 

"Thanks for this enlightening conversation, Snow," he says ignoring me and turns to walk back to the kitchen area. 

"Well, that went well", Penny says. "You two are like fireworks." I let my head fall into my hands. 

Baz Pitch is ruthless. He is arrogant, irritating and a fucking know-it-all. You can’t just listen to someone else’s conversation and wriggle yourself into the conversation like you're the queen herself. I hope the food is disgusting, then I’ll make sure he bloody well knows it. 

**Baz**

This is exciting, talking like that to Snow. It gave me a rush to see him so on edge. I noticed that the tiniest insult could make him twitch. The anger just rolls off of him. 

Besides creating dishes and experimenting with food, talking to Snow was the first thing that made me the least bit excited. Even if the conversation between him and me was so short. 

My breath hitches when I finally receive the order for Snow’s table. I carefully prepare the Niçoise salad and motion for the waiter to bring it to their table. 

My hands get a little sweaty while my eyes stay focused, waiting for Snow’s reaction. The waiter brings the salad to him and slowly my face contorts into disgust. Snow eats like a savage. This is just fucking perfect. I’ve never met anyone who is such a complete disaster. His table manners are outrageous. All sorts of crumbs are flying out his mouth. I should be disgusted but my eyes keep darting to his full lips. 

Snow's eating so passionately and my heart warms a little. He is enjoying my food and while I stare at him I didn’t notice that Snow is looking back at _me_. He rolls his eyes and grins, giving me a thumbs up. I just fold my arms and give him a small smile. That makes him blush and he immediately turns his gaze back to his salad. 

**Simon**

Baz Pitch is fucking infuriating. His cooking is immaculate and delicious. And the bloody tosser knows it. I’m devouring this salad at a rapid speed. 

“Penny, what was this called?” I ask with my mouth full and crumbs flying everywhere. 

“A Niçoise salad, Simon. Pitch definitely has some knowledge about food. With all your talk about Pitch cuisine, I wasn’t that impressed with the guy. You know what they say about a man who knows how to cook?” she says wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

“Uhm..what do they say?” I ask confusedly. 

Penny sighs and says dramatically, “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.” 

“Whoever said that is brilliant.”

Whenever I try to glance at Baz, I keep getting caught. It’s like he knows when I want to look at him. My stomach growls and I wonder when the main course is being served. The kitchen area just screams for my attention. Well, attention for _one_ particular man. 

Thank Merlin, when my eyes wander back to the kitchen area, Baz hasn’t caught me yet. Looking at him plating dishes is like watching a whole performance. He’s strong, graceful, posh and fucking ruthless. Not a single hair is out of place, typical. 

I notice how popular Baz is among his customers. He's being summoned a lot and I hear the praise he receives for his cooking skills. Okay, I get it. He's perfect. _Bloody_ perfect.

When we finally get our main course, I enthusiastically take a first bite of the fish and I can’t contain the moan that slips through my lips. Fucking delicious. 

While I’m enjoying the dish my eyes roam over the guests around us. Then my eyes widen when I notice a couple standing and walking our way towards the exit. 

Fuck me. “It’s _Agatha_ ,” I groan loudly and Penny follows my gaze. “Oh, shit.” 

Sometimes I just want to die on the spot. My legs move like they have their own mind and I stand abruptly. The sudden movement made my glass of wine tumble and stain my clothes. 

This can’t be happening. I wanted to hide until they were gone, but when is my life ever that easy. The commotion caught the attention of Agatha and my face heats up. Her eyes lit up in an instant and she walks to our table. 

“Hi, Simon! Penny. Good to see you both. I didn’t know you were here, I didn’t think this was your kind of food.” 

When did she ever pay attention to what I loved? 

“Hi, Agatha”, I say sheepishly. “Penny surprised me for my birthday.” 

“Oh that’s right, happy birthday.” 

“Thanks.” 

“So, how are you doing?” 

“I’m doing okay, I just started dating.” 

“ _Really?_ Is she here?” 

I look around for a way to escape and my eyes immediately spot Baz at someone’s table. He’s talking very intensely to a man. 

“Just a sec Agatha." I walk towards Baz and gently put an arm around his shoulder. 

He startles and looks at me with an annoying look. “Snow, can’t you see I’m talking to someone who actually has some knowledge about food.” 

I roll my eyes at that and drag him to my table. Agatha looks confused at Baz. My heart is pounding at what I’m about to do. I turn my face slowly towards Baz and place a hand on his cheek and kiss him. 

_Please...Please play along._

**Baz**

Oh.. _Oh_. Simon bloody Snow is kissing me. His lips are warm and pressing against my cold lips. What the hell is he doing? 

That is when I notice the gorgeous blond girl at his table and I now know exactly what he’s up to. Bloody numpty. 

I kiss him back and let my left hand slide to the curve of his back. I tighten my grip and press him harder against my body and deepen the kiss. That startles Snow and he lets out a small moan. 

I reluctantly let go of him. After all, we are at a restaurant and my place of work. Somehow I’ve managed to remember that part still. 

“Well hello, love, I’ve missed you too,” I whisper loud enough to be heard and smile softly at him. 

Snow looks absolutely ravishing with his cheeks coloured red and swollen lips. 

He stumbles over his words and says, “I wanted to introduce you to someone”, and Snow looks at the golden haired girl. 

The girl is looking at us with wide eyes and lips slightly parted. Snow's best friend is looking at us with a big grin on her face. 

“Agatha, this is Baz— ” Before Snow can say anything else, I smoothly takeover. “I’m Baz Pitch,” I introduce myself and extend a hand towards Agatha. She takes it. 

“I’m dating this absolute nightmare,” I say looking fondly at Snow. Agatha looks surprised and stunned at the same time. 

“Baz Pitch...as in...” 

“Yes, as in the head chef of this restaurant,” I say coolly. “I see you’re heading out, I hope you enjoyed your meal.” 

“Yes, it was delicious.” 

I slowly raise an eyebrow at her, hoping she’ll get the message and leaves. She does. 

Agatha looks awkwardly at Simon and says, “I'm glad you're happy. It was good seeing you, I hope you enjoy your birthday. I’ll have to go now. My date is waiting.” Agatha waves one last time and I finally turn towards Simon. I can’t let him know how much I enjoyed our kiss or him wanting me to pretend to be his boyfriend.

**Simon**

This is a dream. It must have been. For once something went the way I wanted. 

Baz...he kissed me. And it wasn’t just a kiss. When he kissed me, it was like coming home or the feeling I get when I eat my favourite food — sour cherry scones. I want to feel like that again. 

Baz is looking at me, waiting for an explanation. 

“Uhm..thanks for playing along. You see, that was Agatha, my ex— ” 

“I figured that much out myself,” Baz cuts in, voice cold, “you’re welcome.” 

Then he turns around and just like that, he’s walking away from me. 

“Go after him,” Penny hisses. 

I run after Baz and grab his wrist. 

Baz sneers, “I played along with your little charade, what is it that you still want from me?” 

Fuck he´s so fit. Before Baz could say something else, I’m pressing my lips again to his. This time _he_ lets out a little sound that makes me weak in the knees. The kiss ends too quickly and Baz is looking at me with uncertainty in his eyes. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” I blurt out. 

My heart is pounding, what if he says no? 

**Baz**

This absolute nightmare just asked me out on a date. 

“Fine, but I want a proper date. You better not make me eat snackbar food.” 

Simon is sputtering and flushing bright red. “What?! There is nothing wrong with… you wanker!” 

I smirk and add softly, “happy birthday, Simon.” 

“ _You said my name_!” Snow smiles and lets his fingers trail on the back of my hand. 

“I don’t know what you mean. Enough Snow, I have actual work to do.” I announce and turn around. 

I’m beaming and I don’t give a fuck about the people who saw the whole thing. I’ve never felt this happy before. Is this really happening? I turn and see Simon still looking at me. 

Oh yes. I'm living a charmed life.


End file.
